There’s a point where travel stops being about where you’re going…
and starts being about where you might stay.
I didn’t expect that moment to come from something as unromantic as estate planning.
But it did.
When Practical Decisions Get Personal
Lately, I’ve been spending more time thinking about things I didn’t expect to be thinking about yet—estate planning, long-term decisions, and how where I live plays into all of that.
It’s not the most exciting topic, but it’s a real one.
Losing my wife changed how I look at time. It made things feel a little less theoretical and a little more immediate. I don’t assume anymore that there’s always “plenty of time” to figure things out later.
So some of these decisions—where to live, how to structure things—have taken on a different kind of importance.
Would I have made a move like this anyway? Probably.
But this gave me a reason to be more intentional about it now, instead of someday.
And if there’s anything I’ve learned through all of this, it’s that planning ahead—whatever that looks like for you—is worth thinking about earlier than you might expect.
There are also practical considerations that come with where you choose to live, and I’ve started paying more attention to those as well.
The Feeling I Couldn’t Ignore
The U.S. has felt a little different to me the last few years.
Maybe more polarized. Maybe a little more guarded. Maybe just… different than I remember.
And to be fair, I’ve put real effort into building community over the years.
I’ve hosted dinners where I bring together people who don’t know each other.
Helped organize neighborhood get-togethers.
Made it a point to stay connected in all the ways you’re “supposed” to.
Looking back, I don’t think I even realized how often I was the one initiating those things. Setting the table. Bringing people together.
And it’s been good.
But it’s also taken effort.
Then There’s What I Noticed Abroad
In a lot of places I’ve spent time—especially in Asia—it feels different.
You sit down at a restaurant, and it’s not unusual to exchange a few words to a full conversation, perhaps even joining 2 parties altogether with the table next to you.
There’s just… less friction.
More openness to small, natural interactions.
It made me realize something:
Connection doesn’t always have to be organized.
Sometimes it just happens.
What I Took From That
I don’t think one way is right and the other is wrong.
But I do think perspective matters.
And sometimes you don’t even realize what your “normal” is until you step outside of it.
For me, that’s been one of the biggest gifts of travel—not just seeing new places, but seeing different ways of living, connecting, and interacting.
It’s also made me more aware of the small things you can do anywhere:
Bringing a beer over to a neighbor.
Hosting a dinner where no one knows each other.
Starting a conversation you normally wouldn’t.
Or… getting on a plane and seeing what the world feels like somewhere else.
A Small Moment That Stuck With Me
I sent a photo to a friend in Bangkok during one of my walks in Minnesota.
It was a quiet nature scene. Beautiful, actually. No people in sight.
Her response surprised me.
“Aren’t you scared?”
I laughed at first. But she explained—being alone like that, with no one around, would make her nervous. No one to help if something went wrong.
And then it hit me.
I’ve sent similar photos to friends in China and Thailand, and I often get the same question:
“Where are all the people?”
That question almost doesn’t exist here.
And I’m not sure most Americans even realize that.
Why Bangkok
Bangkok just works.
I could spend a lifetime there trying a new restaurant every day and still not come close to experiencing it all.
It’s a hub—easy to get almost anywhere in Asia. Flights are relatively affordable. The cost of living makes sense. And while the visa process can have its quirks (I’m still sorting through one involving a middle name…), it’s manageable.
But more than anything, it feels alive.
From Hotels to Home
Last year, I more or less had a version of this. I stayed for a few months twice.
But this time feels different.
More intentional.
I focused my search within a few BTS stops of Asok—mainly for walkability and familiarity. But I ended up choosing Thonglor, just a bit outside my usual zone.
Partly to expand my own experience.
Partly because people who know Bangkok well kept pointing me there.
It’s a bit more of a local hotspot—more local, more expat, less tourist.
And that felt right.
The Process (and Why It Needed Fixing)
Finding a place in Bangkok… honestly, kind of sucks.
Listings are outdated. You find something you like, only to be told it’s already taken. Then you start the process all over again.
It’s inefficient, frustrating, and way harder than it should be.
That’s actually what led me to start working on bangkoknear.me—a simple idea to make finding condos easier and more transparent.
It’s still a work in progress.
But it’s something I wish existed when I started.
Why a 2-Bedroom
I was very intentional here.
I didn’t want a one-bedroom.
I wanted space for people.
My mom is already planning to come in December. A friend has flights booked for October.
And more than anything—I want people to visit.
The Part I Didn’t Expect
Both of my sons have already come out to Bangkok to see me.
Separately.
On their own terms.
Gavin surprised me the most. Within a couple days, he was navigating the train system, going out on his own, even going on a few dates. That’s not typically his style.
But he leaned into it.
And he loved it.
Griffin was more what I expected—independent and comfortable—but we spent a lot more time together. We even took a quick trip to Hua Hin.
He also managed to get three custom suits and an overcoat made… for about $600 total.
Bangkok has a way of opening things up for people.
A Subtle but Important Shift
This isn’t just a trip, or even an extended stay.
It’s a shift in how I’m choosing to live.
I’ll still come back to Minnesota—family is there, and always will be—but those trips are becoming more intentional. More like visits, rather than default living.
Bangkok is where I’m setting up a real base. A place to spend time, build routines, and be part of something on a more day-to-day level.
That includes things like staying active, getting involved locally, and even getting back on the ice a bit—playing hockey and possibly helping coach while I’m there.
It’s not about leaving one place behind.
It’s about being more deliberate with where I choose to spend my time going forward.
What This Really Is
This isn’t an escape.
It’s not retirement.
And it’s definitely not doing nothing.
I’m still building things. Still experimenting. Still figuring it out.
This is just me giving myself permission to live in a way that feels more aligned—with how I want to spend my time, who I want to be around, and how I want to experience the world.
And Maybe That’s the Point
At some point, you stop waiting for the “right time.”
You just decide.
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